Mail Call!

M.F. -

No more Anya requires a party!

..in my hot tub. Yeeaaaah. I’ll bring the whip cream, you bring the chocolate.

Although, I gotta say — I do adore Deathlord. Any guy who sends his undead minions caroling for the pleasure of his citizens — especially in New Haven, of all friggin’ places — is my kinda guy. Even if he does drink goblets of newts.

-S

Dear Sin,

Goblets of newts? Barf.

As for your hot tub, I’m so there.

- Marc

_______________

Franco,

Excuse me for saying so, but your column is a piece of crap. There is a word. It’s called slander. Get your facts straight before printing them or I’ll hunt you down and shove my foot right where the sun don’t shine.

Sincerely,

That Dean Guy

Dear Dean,

There’s a really easy solution for those of you that hate our column. Don’t read it.

As for your foot? Better men than you have tried, sir.

- Marc

_______________

Heyas, Marc.

I thought I’d give you a little insight into my feelings for Psly, since I know you’re wondering why we’re together.

How do I love Pslyder, let me count the ways.

How do I love Psly? Let me count the ways.
I love him with all that I am and ever will be.
I love him with stars in my eyes, for he is heaven to me.
I love him gently for his sweet caress.
I love him passionately for the fire he brings to light.
I love him softly as he holds and protects me through the night.
I love him unconditionally for that is how he loves me.
I love him longingly when it is him I ache to see.
I love him utterly with no secrets I keep.
I love him hard and long and deep.
I love him humbly, for he holds my heart and soul.
I love him joyously, for he makes me whole.
I love him hungrily, for beneath his touch my body is like a slave.
I love him forever, always, even beyond the grave.

Jaycy

Dear Jaycy,

Mr. Franco is so upset that he can’t write this letter himself. He begs you to tell him that this is all a joke and that you haven’t gotten (in his words) “soft” or “sappy”.

- Intern Hot to Trot

Edited: January 24th, 2010

Mail Call!

For the record, THERE IS NO CRYING IN DUELING!

Seriously. Someone needs to tell that to Anya. I think she’s going to flood the Arena.

- S

P.S.: Where’s my phone call and hot date!

Dear D.S.S.,

You kill us. Name the day!

M.F.

_____________

Mr. Franco,

The woman, Diana Lasher, that your sources spotted with Stephen Kidd was also seen in attendance at the Riverview charity gala with him. That was in May, you do the math. Seems your gossip gatherers are a bit behind the times. I normally don’t care what women you refer to as cheap in your publication, Mr. Franco, but when you talk about one of my daughters, that rule changes.

I wish you a very happy new year.

Colleen MacLeod

Dear Ms. MacLeod,

With as many daughters as you have, we have a hard time believing at least one of them isn’t cheap.

Thank you for being an avid reader.

M.F.

___________

Dear Pinky

Since you seem interested about it, I’m sleeping with Misty, not Teagan. Please stab and replace your fact checker.

Your buddy
-Thorne

Dear Thorne,

My hair is pink due to a tragic accident that occurred when I was helping Intern Hot to Trot escape from the grave danger that is always associated with our species. The nickname is uncreative and it bores me. You and your friends like to think you’re so high and mighty but I never use your personal tragedies to make fun of you. Ever.  Yet, despite the numerous times I have mentioned that my hair color is a result of a very unfortunate accident, you all continue to use it to make fun of me.

Thanks for sealing my decision as to why I will continue to avoid the lot of you like the plague.

M.F.

Edited: January 4th, 2010

Letters to the GangSTAR!

Marc–

You’re quite right, I should never have gotten into the ring with her. You should see the bruises I’ve got, and we used padded practice swords. My ego will never be the same.

And I must be a glutton for punishment–I’m thinking about putting together a friendly little poker game. Shall I consider you in?

–a.

Absolutely, Ali! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!

- Marc

Edited: August 11th, 2009

Letters to Marc Franco!

Dear Marc Franco,

BLAH BLAH BLAH. WORDS WORDS WORDS. LOOK AT HOW AWESOME I AM AREN’T YOU IMPRESSED BY HOW FRIGHTENING I AM AREN’T YOU INTIMIDATED OH WAIT I AM ACTUALLY JUST ANOTHER COMPLETELY USELESS PERSON WHINING FOR NO GOOD REASON BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A REAL LIFE OH AND YOU SUCK DID YOU KNOW YOU SUCK HERE LET ME INSULT YOU JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I AM OBVIOUSLY AWESOME AND YOU ARE NOT.

Love,
Sin

Dear Sin,
YOU’RE FIRST IN MY HEART FOREVER AND ALWAYS!

Love,

Marc

Edited: June 21st, 2009

Letters to Marc Franco!

Dearest Mister Franco:

It has come to my attention that a one Lady Onyxia Uth Dravon Dragonbane has in the recent past inconvenienced The Den and yourself with unnecessary and overtly confrontational correspondence. As recently appointed Public Relations Director at Riverview, I feel it is my duty to inform you that Lady Dragonbane does not, I repeat, does not speak on behalf of Riverview Clinic. The institution applauds The Den of Gossip’s benevolent and scrupulous efforts to launch such charitable organizations as the GangSTAR Children’s Foundation, as well as the company’s tireless vocation to the betterment of Rhy’Din’s society at large. Staff and friends of the clinic are more than enthusiastic per this new endeavor, and fully offer their support to the GangSTAR staff. Please do not hesitate to call upon our assistance should your team require it. After all, teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision– the ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.

Per the GangSTAR’s frequent publication of the clinic’s activities itself: I must respectfully rescind Miss Dragonbane’s complaint, for while the occasional unseemly gossip has been known to present itself of the employees, the institution has never faced any malicious publicity whatsoever. In fact, the credit that Riverview has received in your publication is naught but overwhelmingly accommodating and supportive. For this, we at Riverview offer our humblest gratitude.

Please accept my sincerest apologies on behalf of Riverview Clinic, and if The Den is still adamant about desisting all publication with regard to our institution, we merely express our regret and appreciation for all The Den of Gossip has done for us thus far.

With many thanks,
Sivanna Cyredghymn
Public Relations, Riverview

Edited: June 21st, 2009