No more Anya requires a party!
..in my hot tub. Yeeaaaah. I’ll bring the whip cream, you bring the chocolate.
Although, I gotta say — I do adore Deathlord. Any guy who sends his undead minions caroling for the pleasure of his citizens — especially in New Haven, of all friggin’ places — is my kinda guy. Even if he does drink goblets of newts.
-S
Dear Sin,
Goblets of newts? Barf.
As for your hot tub, I’m so there.
- Marc
_______________
Franco,
Excuse me for saying so, but your column is a piece of crap. There is a word. It’s called slander. Get your facts straight before printing them or I’ll hunt you down and shove my foot right where the sun don’t shine.
Sincerely,
That Dean Guy
Dear Dean,
There’s a really easy solution for those of you that hate our column. Don’t read it.
As for your foot? Better men than you have tried, sir.
- Marc
_______________
Heyas, Marc.
I thought I’d give you a little insight into my feelings for Psly, since I know you’re wondering why we’re together.
How do I love Pslyder, let me count the ways.
How do I love Psly? Let me count the ways.
I love him with all that I am and ever will be.
I love him with stars in my eyes, for he is heaven to me.
I love him gently for his sweet caress.
I love him passionately for the fire he brings to light.
I love him softly as he holds and protects me through the night.
I love him unconditionally for that is how he loves me.
I love him longingly when it is him I ache to see.
I love him utterly with no secrets I keep.
I love him hard and long and deep.
I love him humbly, for he holds my heart and soul.
I love him joyously, for he makes me whole.
I love him hungrily, for beneath his touch my body is like a slave.
I love him forever, always, even beyond the grave.
Jaycy
Dear Jaycy,
Mr. Franco is so upset that he can’t write this letter himself. He begs you to tell him that this is all a joke and that you haven’t gotten (in his words) “soft” or “sappy”.
- Intern Hot to Trot
Seriously. Someone needs to tell that to Anya. I think she’s going to flood the Arena.
- S
P.S.: Where’s my phone call and hot date!
Dear D.S.S.,
You kill us. Name the day!
M.F.
_____________
Mr. Franco,
The woman, Diana Lasher, that your sources spotted with Stephen Kidd was also seen in attendance at the Riverview charity gala with him. That was in May, you do the math. Seems your gossip gatherers are a bit behind the times. I normally don’t care what women you refer to as cheap in your publication, Mr. Franco, but when you talk about one of my daughters, that rule changes.
I wish you a very happy new year.
Colleen MacLeod
Dear Ms. MacLeod,
With as many daughters as you have, we have a hard time believing at least one of them isn’t cheap.
Thank you for being an avid reader.
M.F.
___________
Dear Pinky
Since you seem interested about it, I’m sleeping with Misty, not Teagan. Please stab and replace your fact checker.
Your buddy
-Thorne
Dear Thorne,
My hair is pink due to a tragic accident that occurred when I was helping Intern Hot to Trot escape from the grave danger that is always associated with our species. The nickname is uncreative and it bores me. You and your friends like to think you’re so high and mighty but I never use your personal tragedies to make fun of you. Ever. Yet, despite the numerous times I have mentioned that my hair color is a result of a very unfortunate accident, you all continue to use it to make fun of me.
Thanks for sealing my decision as to why I will continue to avoid the lot of you like the plague.
M.F.
You’re quite right, I should never have gotten into the ring with her. You should see the bruises I’ve got, and we used padded practice swords. My ego will never be the same.
And I must be a glutton for punishment–I’m thinking about putting together a friendly little poker game. Shall I consider you in?
–a.
Absolutely, Ali! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!
- Marc
BLAH BLAH BLAH. WORDS WORDS WORDS. LOOK AT HOW AWESOME I AM AREN’T YOU IMPRESSED BY HOW FRIGHTENING I AM AREN’T YOU INTIMIDATED OH WAIT I AM ACTUALLY JUST ANOTHER COMPLETELY USELESS PERSON WHINING FOR NO GOOD REASON BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A REAL LIFE OH AND YOU SUCK DID YOU KNOW YOU SUCK HERE LET ME INSULT YOU JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I AM OBVIOUSLY AWESOME AND YOU ARE NOT.
Love,
Sin
Dear Sin,
YOU’RE FIRST IN MY HEART FOREVER AND ALWAYS!
Love,
Marc
]]>It has come to my attention that a one Lady Onyxia Uth Dravon Dragonbane has in the recent past inconvenienced The Den and yourself with unnecessary and overtly confrontational correspondence. As recently appointed Public Relations Director at Riverview, I feel it is my duty to inform you that Lady Dragonbane does not, I repeat, does not speak on behalf of Riverview Clinic. The institution applauds The Den of Gossip’s benevolent and scrupulous efforts to launch such charitable organizations as the GangSTAR Children’s Foundation, as well as the company’s tireless vocation to the betterment of Rhy’Din’s society at large. Staff and friends of the clinic are more than enthusiastic per this new endeavor, and fully offer their support to the GangSTAR staff. Please do not hesitate to call upon our assistance should your team require it. After all, teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision– the ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.
Per the GangSTAR’s frequent publication of the clinic’s activities itself: I must respectfully rescind Miss Dragonbane’s complaint, for while the occasional unseemly gossip has been known to present itself of the employees, the institution has never faced any malicious publicity whatsoever. In fact, the credit that Riverview has received in your publication is naught but overwhelmingly accommodating and supportive. For this, we at Riverview offer our humblest gratitude.
Please accept my sincerest apologies on behalf of Riverview Clinic, and if The Den is still adamant about desisting all publication with regard to our institution, we merely express our regret and appreciation for all The Den of Gossip has done for us thus far.
With many thanks,
Sivanna Cyredghymn
Public Relations, Riverview
From the Desk of Lady Onyxia Uth Dravon Dragonbane
Dear Mr. Franco;
While I commend you for your ideas in the Children’s benefit, Noble House Uth Dravon is issuing a challenge to you.
Time to put your money where your mouth is. So far I have seen you do nothing but trash the reputation of the Riverview Clinic and the members of my family that work in the trenches there. You are quick to judge and believe the innuendo your so-called colleague printed. Yet, you have failed to look for yourself.
You have called my kinsfolk sheep, yet that term best describes what you are doing it seems.
Well, my challenge to you is to make your “charity foundation” into something worth respecting. This will require more work than you seem to be able to put into checking your own sources, to be sure.
I found last night to be nothing more than an excuse for you to gossip and take snipes at others, all under the guise of “helping the children.” As someone that prefers action over words, I must say your actions leave me many doubts as to your integrity and intentions.
So will you rise to the challenge, or be seen as another that exploits children for their own gain.
House Uth Dravon is watching and will not blindly sign checks.
Signed;
Lady Onyxia Uth Dravon Dragonbane
Magistrate of Order – Magistratical Council of Elders
Noble House Uth Dravon
Member of the Sovereign Houses of the Royal Rhydin Imperium
Dear Lady Dragonbane,
Being that I have never heard of you I can only assume that you are new to town. Therefore, I will excuse your ignorance. My interns and I have been a supporter of the local charities since we moved our publication to RhyDin two years ago.
I sat in a dunk booth at the Beltane Festival last year and all proceeds went to a local soup kitchen. I allowed myself to be auctioned off on several occasions for charity. The Gossip GangSTAR has also matched the interns salary up to a certain amount (which has depended on the year’s success) and donated it to their favorite charity. Finally, we have been involved in a number of charity events through our various sponsors. Simply because we do not feel it necessary to announce what we do for the community does not mean that we do nothing.
This charity was created when we at the Den of Gossip decided that we are here in RhyDin to stay.
I am sorry that you find fault with my behavior last night. Many of the people I spoke with I have met in the past and was following up on previous conversations. Following up on their lives is my job and, for them most part, I believe that they understand that. Had any of them asked me to leave them I would have. My conversation with the people of Riverview Clinic was entirely cordial and we did not discuss their personal lives at all.
If the people of RhyDin wish to continue supporting the Riverview Clinic that is their right. I have done all I can. Therefore, Riverview Clinic will no longer be mentioned in our publication. I’m beginning to find these sorts of letters tiresome. The inherent entertainment value is most certainly gone by now anyway.
Have a fantastic day!
Marc
Dear Mr. Franco,
I would appreciate it if you would refrain from writing anymore libel about my romantic partner, Maranya Valkonan, Chief of Staff of Riverview Clinic, who I am sure you know is also romantically involved with Antonio Falconne. I am offended by these accusations and the way you imply she is bad company and spending money on expensive clothing. It is mean and hurtful and injuring to her image. In case you have forgotten or were unaware, she is dating two well endowed men and we DO spoil her.
On a secondary note, she loves that clinic and she has a strong desire to help people, why would she ruin that? She does not need the money given what Antonio and I provide her, so please, get your facts straight. If anyone has damaged that clinic, you should talk to the ex-Director. Anya has put in a lot of time and effort, and even more with his absence I am sure. I trust you to write her the apology she is due. Or else.
Regards,
Alper Ergin II
Koç Holding CEO
Town Square, Rhy’Din
Dear Sir,
Please be advised that the Elven female known as Gemethyst passed away during the night just passed due to a secondary infection of the lungs after seeming to recover from being gravely ill with a belatedly contracted childhood Elven illness. Per her instructions prior to death, I am sending out letters to various parties to inform of this event, and of various bequeathals that have been made. Your paper will be receiving a donation in the sum of 50,000 gold coins, to do with as you like. Gem’s advice, though, is to take the money and try for a bouffant hairdo, perhaps the beehive, that will more properly display the lovely pink color of your hair, sir. Understand that these are her words, not mine. She wanted you to know that, in her opinion, you perform an invaluable service to Rhy’din and her people, and she had hopes that you would continue undeterred and unabated in this endeavor.
My sincere regards, Mr. Franco, and hers.
Wilbur Moody, Attorney-at-law
I heard you do not like chickens. I would like to know what you have against chickens! I like chickens very much, because they are pretty and because they make those yellow and pink marshmallow peepies in a secret factory by the docks. Peepies, by the way, are poisonous, and you should never, ever eat them. They look harmless and pretty, but Skiddles says that the sugary coating is made out of rat bones and peanut brittle and if you leave them alone in a cupboard for more than two whole days, they will all stick together and get hard enough to hit a Rhydin drunk over the head and make off with his pocket change.
I have not tried it, but that’s what he says, and Skid always knows what he is talking about.
I saw a very pretty chicken the other night in the inn. She had a blue hat with ribbons. Her feathers were speckledy and looked very soft. All I wanted to do was pet her, but that chicken pecked at me! That was not right to do, and now, that chicken must die, though she did give me a very pretty gold Easter egg. I think I will eat her if I catch her, even if Lucky says no. He says no a lot.
He told me if I was good, he would buy me a chicken of my own for a pet. What do you think I should name my chicken? I can’t decide.
I am afraid I will not be able to be very good, so I will probably never get a chicken of my very own.
Also, you should know that Lucky also says I am not allowed to send F.U. to fetch people anymore, because it is rude. I fetched Gem once, and she fell into the Inn in her underwear! We could see her butt. Sin said that was Effing brilliant, and that Gem should not wear red undies that show her butt anymore, but Lucky and Chryrie both said I was naughty.
I like Sin.
Anyway, I want very much to send F.U. to fetch you so we can play together, but I am confused now. Are you a people or are you something else? Skid says you are something else. Those were his EXACT words. He also says that you have cotton candy for hair. If that is true, I will want to lick you to see if he is right, so do not act surprised and scream AHH when I do it like that one lady with the blue hair did. She had an unfortunate coronary episode, Grace says, and was very delicious later, even though she was old as dirt.
What is a coronary episode?
Will you come and play with me?
OK, Mister Franco. I need to go now. Write back soon!
I love you!
XO XO XO
Love,
Missie
_______
Dear Missie,
Chickens carry disease and if you play with them you must wash your hands really well afterward.
And we hear at the Den of Gossip love us some Peepies! We think that Skid is just saying that so you don’t eat his secret stash. After all, he is a little on the evil side, you know.
We would love for you to come and play at the Den of Gossip. Intern Sassy Pants loves new playmates. Please bring Sin with you. I’d love a new playmate as well.
Love,
Marc
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