Patty Fingers Sunday!

Sometimes no matter how many times our sources explain to us what happened in the Red Dragon Inn on a given night, we just don’t understand. Maybe there are things that are just too crazy for us to wrap our minds around! That was Sunday night. Evidently there was a gingerbread ship full of gingerbread pirates who went on some sort of rampage in the Inn with Darcy, Lang, and Mega Mom Icer as its victims. The ship disappeared as suddenly as it appeared, though, and the patrons of the Red Dragon Inn were safe once more.

Harris bet Lil’ Bit Lirssa a silver that Harper would beat Kendall in a game of darts. We really didn’t think L.B. Lirssa to be the gambling sort but Harris is annoying enough to make anyone turn against their nature in order to shut him up! Kendall won the game of darts and L.B. Lirssa was excited to collect her coins. Perhaps Harper’s game was thrown off a bit because we hear she was admiring John’s new haircut. Well, after the game, Harris decided he needed to shake down Harper to recover the money he lost in his bet. The pair went blow for blow until L.B. Lirssa provided Harris with an ale… which, of course, distracted him from his shake down.

The night of fights didn’t stop there. Manly Mason and Doc Eva really ripped into Serena! Our sources couldn’t exactly tell what the argument was about but during the course of it both Manly Mason and Doc Eva stomped off once. Lil’ Bit Lirssa seemed to play peacemaker which again proves that she’s the most mature person in the Inn on any given night while Playboy Shane seemed to be sticking close to Serena’s side to offer emotional support. Crazy. We have no idea what this was about but you better believe we’re going to keep our ear to the ground!

Juliane was behind the bar and it seems that will be a regular occurrence. We do love Smith tenders! We hear that she caught Playboy Shane’s eye. Although, honestly, it’s not all that hard to catch Playboy Shane’s eye. Anyway, he was overheard asking Darcy about her later in the evening. We hear that Lil’ Bit Lirssa piped in to let Playboy Shane know that Juliane was Johnny’s sister and that if Shane got “all patty fingers with her” that Johnny would clobber Playboy Shane! HILARIOUS! We hear that Marvelous Mira was cracking up.

There were some Fight Night duels happening in the Annex but for the most part attention was focused on the Fists Tag Team Tournament that was taking place for the Tour. Although they only lasted one match, Jake and Napoleon certainly took the reward for best trash talkers! Who would have thought a rat and an orc would be so good at talking smack to their opponents??? They were so good, however, that we’re surprised that Smokin’ Sartan and the Gov MAN-tastic Matt were able to keep it together and beat them!

In the end nobody could match Sartan and MAN-tastic Matt’s skill and the pair took the tag team tournament. Congratulations to both of them!

Edited: February 8th, 2010

CrushBob Tuesday!

That Aaron sure is one clASSy guy! It’s no wonder he’s such good friend with Dean. Tuesday night found the pair of them in the Red Dragon Inn doing what it is that they seem to do — get drunk and hit on loose women. Dean was once again seen with Susan while Aaron had put his sights on a blonde that we hear goes by the name Aila. It seems that Aaron was actually trying to get her drunk before making his move on her. We’re pretty sure he didn’t have to go to so much trouble. This girl was really into his vibe. Where did these two guys come from and why are these girls putty in their hands??? Seriously, have a bit of respect, ladies! Can’t you all see through their bull???

We hear that the Outback was really hopping Tuesday night as some of dueling’s finest came out to get some duels for the Tour in! Napoleon was wearing the yellow jersey to signify his position in the Tour currently when he showed up to bash some heads in under the CrushBob banner. Yeah, we have no idea what that team name means and our sources actually heard teammates Smokin’ Sartan and Speedster Nova expressing confusion over it as well. It’s just further proof that the Gov MAN-tastic Matt has taken one too many blows to the head over the years.

Odd. One of the Taneths told Crazy Train Tara that she didn’t like her. So totally not like Taneth! Tormay is STILL not back so we can only assume that he’s still trying to find the answers to Taneth’s problem. We do miss Our Darling Taneth so! C.T. Tara was not at all offended by Taneth’s remark. In fact, we hear that she responded that most people don’t like her. On the subject of C.T. Tara, we hear that she was utterly petrified of Kheldar for some reason. Odd, isn’t it? Of course, Kheldar is a pretty big guy but when is C.T. Tara afraid of anybody? Particularly the person who is seen as one of the kindest, gentlest duelists out there? That girl is completely bonkers!

Edited: January 26th, 2010

Overheard Around Town!

- “Nah, I been b***h shoppin’ all day. Nuthin. Tell me, what should I look for in a good bondage girl?” Baker to Lord Brutin when Lord Brutin questioned him on whether or not he’s found a slave girl yet.

- “Bondage? Is that like punk metal or something? You crazy kids and your loud music.” DoD-er Eve to Lord Brutin when he asked if she herself was a “bondage girl”.

- “I’m not *just* a rat, sir! I’m a PiRATe! ARRR!!” RAT-tastic Napoleon to Lil’ Boy Blue Locke.

- “I don’t know that god. Where does he/she/it hang out?” Kairee when meeting someone claiming to be of the Eastern Orthodox faith.

- “Mmmm ‘appiness is indeed a warm gun.” Unwashed Pirate Stephen after shooting Crazy Train Tara!

- “Now lets slap Marco with my balls.” Brian while preparing to dunk us into the tank at the Beltane festivities.

- “Look private… general… whatever you may be. I could probably be scarier than most, and if I can’t be.. my sister is crazy, French, and pregnant. Watch yourself. She might go all magical maverick on you.” Teen Terror Alex’s commentary on her sister, AJ.

- “Of course you do. She’s female and mobile.” Krazy Kitty to Awesome Alain when he mentioned that he enjoyed one of Tara’s personalities.

- “Goodnight insufferable female with an inappropriate hair color.” A parting from Crazy Train Tara (or more specifically, one of her alternate personalities) to Lil’ Miss Anger Management Jewell

- “So, did you want to Role Play again….like we did the other night, where you’re the subservient chick and I’m the dude you wanna bang?” Brale Brother Baker to Crazy Train Tara.

Edited: May 14th, 2008

Panther’s Claw Tournament!

In honor of the founder of the Duel of Fists, Head Pussy Panther, a cyclical tournament is held within the Outback to celebrate the rising talent among the brawlers!!! Everyone ranked beneath Emerald is given the opportunity to participate and, without fail, the event is a fantastic night of hard-hitting action! The Outback’s brightest young stars were out to throw their dukes up against one another with SUUUUPER Des overseeing the whole thing!

The night started out a bit on the crazy side! Luscious Lydia waltzed on in clad in a cheerleading outfit complete with purple pom poms! Oh, be still our heart! That is the start of quite a few men’s fantasies and, by the look on his face, Cute Single Dad Bane might be one of those men! It’s nice to see that Luscious Lydia knows how to keep her man satisfied.

We hear Lil’ Boy Blue Locke was quite confused to be face-to-face with RAT-tastic Napoleon for the very first time! What never seen a talking, dueling, candy-fiend rodent before, Locke??? Yes, he is REALLY a rat! And, yes, he REALLY is a pirate…. at least he claims he is!

Space Girl Alyson and Space Boy Chase (the male one, not the PAARTY version) were seen quite close between rounds as they competed! It seems that the pair are definitely keeping their relationship hush-hush but you can’t deny the chemistry there! We love to spot them sneaking little talks between matches. Absolutely adorable!

With Napoleon cheering on his former Badside Brawlers teammate, it was Kaylin who emerged victorious and won the Claw for the cycle! Congratulations, Kaylin!

Edited: May 3rd, 2008

The Fifty-Third Diamond Quest!

A collection of some of the Outback hardest hitting duelists gathered this past Sunday night in the Outback to duke it out to see who would replace SMOKIN’ Sartan as the Outback’s biggest ego– er, we mean, as The Diamond! With DoD-er Rena and Rat-tastic Napoleon calling, six top ranking brawlers showed to see which man would reign supreme, including SMOKIN’ Sartan who was there to defend his title as well as many-time winner The Gov MAN-tastic Matt!

SMOKIN’ Sartan made a crack about being “sneaky” and his opponent at the time, Venom Vinny, immediately questioned to see if his wife “knew about that problem”. SMOKIN’ Sartan was more than a little confused. It seems that he doesn’t know Venom Vinny that well! You’ve got to love Venom Vinny! Even after the jig is up and his wife has left for more loyal pastures, he’s still trying to get tips on how to refine his technique for next time! We sure hope there’s a next time very soon. This guy’s just too good for our blog for words!!!

The lovely Taneth was present cheering for… well, pretty much everyone as usual! In fact, we believe she may have even cheered for the caller, RAT-tastic Napoleon on one or two occasions! She was looking lovely as always, of course! We’re definitely looking forward to that hug we’re hoping to get from her in the marketplace on Saturday!

Interestingly enough, DoD-er FLAWLESS Koy was in fact present and looking stunning as usual but was surprisingly sitting on the sidelines! The self-proclaimed Lady of the Outback actually sat this DQ out! She was seen sitting at a table and quietly talking with SMOKIN’ Sartan’s wife, Rory, who is getting pleasantly plump and pregnant. The pair seemed quite involved in their own conversation. We wonder what THAT was about!

In the end of the round robin tournament, three participants emerged with tied records, including SMOKIN’ Sartan! Despite a pretty impressive effort to repeat, he failed and it was FILF Kheldar who emerged from the crowd to collect yet ANOTHER Diamond!

Congratulations, Kheldar!

Edited: May 2nd, 2008